Day 4 of 84

So part of what I want to do here is explore the “why” of it all. Not the “Why Me?” because I know that answer to the question, “Why I weighted”….if you put it in your mouth, it will migrate south.

I have majored in weight lost and found. I have been writing my thesis on this subject for many, many years. I understand that for my body type that eating more protein and less carbs leads to a leaner me. Atkins, South Beach, Ketosis…yep, all of the versions and variations have been tried. Oh they worked. I lost the weight. (Once over 100 lbs.) And I kept it off for over a year. But eventually I found what I had lost and the weight came back. Super sized.

I have augured with myself and tried to justify to my daughter (and others) that “I really don’t eat that much”. And (at times) I don’t. I will argue, with every mouth full, that it is not the quantity of what I eat that keeps me “at large”. But I can not vouch for the quality of “over the lips and past the gums, look out thighs here it comes.” Bread and pasta are among my favorite foods. Along with chips and dip, veggies and dip, fingers and dip…you get the picture. So even having the knowledge of how to seduce my body into a smaller version of itself I never really felt satisfied. There was something I was missing…a large part of me.

So as I progress through this transition I will be working hard at the gym. I will stop being a hypocrite and will put to use the dietary education I have worked so hard to acquire. I will be letting go of the “old” ways of trying to eat for all the starving children in some other country. I will face my fear of “waste not, want not” and change it into “want not, weight not”. And along the way I am looking forward to allowing the inner, thinner self that is longing to take off the heavy blanket of fat cells and show how strong a woman she is. Strong enough to not carry this burden of weight around any more.