Day 8 of 84

It is the start of week 2. Standing on the scale I see it is 5 lbs less. Whoo hoo!!! But what is even more amazing to me is that I can see an improvement in my stamina during water aerobics class.

And today I found another way I was making excuses. Another way I was hiding from what I think I want and what I seem to desire. I started this blog to hold myself accountable and on point. This is about my choices and my battle to once and for the rest of my life shed the excess weight. I realized I do not have to do this alone. I started writing about this journey and decided to put it out into cyber space knowing that once I press the “Post” button it would be out there, every where and probably forever. I do not believe I am alone with these feelings and confusion when I find what I have lost. My idea was that if I wrote about and explored why I kept wrapping myself up in this fat blanket then I would feel comfortable letting go of it. That if I could break the recordings that made me believe that I need this excess weight to be I would be able to be with less of me. By writing this blog I can work through the whys and wherefores of the Lost and Found of my excess weight I can let it go and not look back.

And then a simple comment by my daughter helped open my eyes to how I was still hiding. Still holding tight to the shield of invisibility. It is interesting how being fat can make you disappear and seem invisible. My loving, straight talking, because she believes in me more than I do at times daughter just simply asked if I had sent the link to this blog to family. If I had invited the people who will and have supported and loved me to see how I am determined to make these changes. And if I had asked friends who care for me and want the best for me to comment or follow along. And I had to answer no. For one reason or another (excuses) I had not sent a simple email with the link attached. Until today.

I am going to learn how to be comfortable being seen. I am going to learn to love myself as much as my daughter does.