day 34 of 82.

I was watching a recorded Oprah show that was talking about addition to food. There were women who were admitting that their lives revolved around food. They hated how they looked and hated even more that there did not seem to be a way to overcome the comfort or need or desire or _____ that food to gave them.

I could not relate to those feelings. I don’t over eat. I am, at present, over weight. I reached this obese level by not eating the right foods or portions for my body. I got, yes I can say it, fat. I am not saying that I did not turn to food for comfort. I have done that. Potato chips and catsup or potato chips and mustard can bring back fond memories of my youth. And I was not one to turn down a second helping of really creamy mashed potatoes with butter or gravy (sometimes both). But I do not recall turning to a quart of ice cream to make me feel better. I don’t think I turned to fresh hot bread and cool creamy butter to mend a broken heart.

But I did pack on this weight for a reason. That is what I am working to unbury from this excess. To look at the reason or reasons I have needed this security blanket of excess body so I can take it off once and for all. So as I go to the gym I huff and puff, sweat and yes sometimes swear. And I think about the reasons I let myself get so out of shape. Well actually I was a shape, just not one I want to continue to be. I keep reminding myself I am safe and secure and that it is ok to be seen. I am a little less invisible. I am not sure if I am comfortable or I am just faking it until I make it. But I will make it. That much I am very confident about.