Day 39 of 84

While talking with my trainer during a break between what every torture I was willing to submit to, oh, I mean exercise she was overseeing, I realized that I needed to find out why it is working for me now. Why the weight is melting off, why the willingness and drive to exercise. I have done it before. I have lost track of my successes with weight loss. But this success is not a good thing. The reason I have had many successful weight loss routines is because I have regained the weight. But until today I have never really thought about what was the catalyst of those successes. Why did they work, even temporarily, in the first place. I have tried to lose weight and only been discouraged by the lack of results. So why did those past times work? What was it that pushed me over the edge of hesitation so that the inevitable plateau was concurred and the skinny me emerged. It didn’t matter what the syndrome was. The “I wanted to lose weight before my ___ birthday”. “I will get back into those jeans before my grandson is born.” “After he was born”. And on and on the “I want to lose ___ before ___” syndrome. And the added frustration of knowing that I have, in the past, managed to lose the weight. I am looking in on the why’s of it this time. I am forging ahead with very open eyes. I am actually looking at myself in the mirror when I am doing weight exercises. And let me say here, that was not an easy experience. I will shed this weight for the last time. It is not coming back. I am not going to go and look for it until it is found. All my “plus” size clothes are being given away. This time it really is going to be different.